Maybe This Time
Dear Blog, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
School is a pain, but that’s old news. Actually, most of what’s going on these days is old news.
Marching band is pretty much my life these days.
I can’t wait for jazz competition season.
School is a timesuck without the redeeming qualities.
Oh, and I’m EXHAUSTED.
I fell asleep while walking today. Yeah, sad, I know.
So if I’ve seemed distant lately, it’s because I’m always either busy or exhausted from being busy.
I kind of feel like I’m drowning, like I’ve lost my touch and I need to get back in the swing of things.
Though I feel pretty deep in this rut.
So, I’m on a mission now to break out of this funk.
And when I say break out, I mean that I’m going to rip this funk to shreds, burn it, and stomp on the ashes.
It isn’t a question of if, but a question of when, and how.
Over My Head (Cable Car)
Dear Blog,
Yup, another letter. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post, because it’s late, I’m on pain medications that make me insane, and I’m more confused than a blonde trying to find a corner in a round room.
Sorry about the blonde joke, it was the only metaphor or simile (too out of it to tell which it was) I could think of.
But anywho, I got my wisdom teeth out on Wednesday. Geez that sucked. The best part has been laying around doing nothing and getting a kick out of what the Vicadin does to me.
Yesterday I had fun talking to my other friend over the phone. He got his wisdom teeth out recently too and is on similiar pain meds. So as you can imagine, two teenagers messed up from pain meds talking over the fun is hysterical. And yes, it was 😀
Today a friend of mine came over and we played some video games on my Wii and PS2, which was pretty awesome, because I’m been lonely in my basement XD Luckily my friends rule and have been visiting me to do things like playing games and watching movies 😀
But tonight was a bit of a downer.
Not just because my mouth decided to hurt worse than it had all day. No, that I can deal with; physical pain is rarely a large ordeal for me.
I had a conversation with a friend on facebook that really frustrated me. I’d go into details, but I’d honestly rather not, for multiple reasons.
It wasn’t anything horrible; they’re not an awful friend, we didn’t cuss each other out. It wasn’t anything nasty like that.
I’d like to tell you what it boiled down to, but I’m still pretty confused.
All I know is that I left the conversation feeling frustrated, kind of pissed, very confused, and moderately defeated.
Now, I know that the pain meds I’m on screw up my emotions and thought process a lot, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t experience it.
The point is, I needed to rant, so I decided to blog!
Lucky you.
But tomorrow I’m going to be facing this issue at some point, and I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to handle it.
Well, hopefully I’ll come up with an idea when I’m in a different (and or better) state of mind.
-J
Our God Is An Awesome God
So, I’m on the missions trip to go to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota.
But our second flight got cancelled and now the team and I are in Minnesota.
On today’s agenda, we’re burning time because the flight we will be taking isn’t until 9:30, and we have nowhere to stay. We’re going to a church service at the church of a writer (I forget who, so I’ll post it later) and then we’re going to a baseball game, and then the Mall of America. Then we’ll hit the airport, hang there for awhile, and then hopefully to South Dakota!
Tomorrow we’re planning on getting up early, seeing the sun rise at mount rushmore, and then driving to the reservation.
There was a computer at the hotel, so I figured I might as well make a blog post 😀
Until I get home you probably won’t hear from me again, so see ya!
-J
Poker Face
Oh dear blog,
I like writing my posts like letters. It’s like I’m writing to a friend 😀
Man, that makes me sound kind of lonely XD
But really, writing to my blog is nice;
-My blog doesn’t lie
-My blog isn’t trying to fool anyone
But my blog isn’t a real person.
Honestly though, a lot of real people that I know are so fake these days that they’re about as much of a real person as my blog. Only more frustrating and annoying.
Mentally, I’ve already booked out of school. All of the school-thoughts that have plagued my mind for so long are finally gone. There’s a sense of peace that summer brings to me. There’s also a sense of anticipation; both fearful and hopeful.
I’m going to be diving into a lot this summer that will push my life in my different directions. Will this summer be as life-changing as last summer? Who knows. I don’t feel any different. I don’t feel like this summer is going to change my life. But if you had asked me if I felt different this time a year ago, I would have said the exact same thing.
So really, there’s no way of knowing what’s going to happen.
I’m ready for the ride, but it’s not a journey I can make on my own. I need certain people with me, to help me along the way, to pick me up when I fall, to hold me when I’m crying, to stand with me when I want to run the other way.
And right now, some of those people feel farther away than ever.
-J
♥ Testify To Love ♥
Dear Blog, it’s been awhile.
I’d like to say that school life did die down after my last post.
But it didn’t.
None of my life really did. Not to sound whiny or anything, but life has become more and more drama-filled day by day. For example; this weekend, one of my friends had a break up, and today I found out that another friend of mine had a break up, and another friend of mine got her cat taken away by her parents when she was in school and she’s now pretty much traumatized, and another friend of mine pretty much hates her life right now, and I could go on and on with all of the drama, but I don’t want to whine.
But the thing is, I can’t let all of the drama get me down. I mean sure, I’m upset about it, and I don’t like that my friends are hurting, but I have to keep going.
I didn’t have my phone all day today, and when I got it back, it had a bunch of text messages on it, mostly full of bad news. That really made me think about things, and I realized that we have to hang on, because life waits for no one.
And as I’ve talked to some of my friends about their problems, I’ve started to really cling to this one quote; “Whatever doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.”
That really encourages me, and it’s very true. It also provides us with a choice; you can either toughen up from the suck in your life, or you can let it destroy you.
But no matter what, you shouldn’t have to be alone. Go to your friends for help, help them when they come to you. It’s like a song that my one friend showed me says;
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I’ll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
Always love as long as you live, be there when words aren’t enough. Because that’s what good friends do.
-J
I’m Only Me When I’m With You
So, I meant to post awhile ago, like, Sunday morning, but crap kept coming up, and that’s life. I think I’ve mentioned this before; Ideally, I’d post everyday. But I’m in high school, so ideal is kind of far away.
Anywho, to break that little emo statement, let’s talk about the weekend!
Now I don’t know about you, but I had a pretty flippin’ kick-butt weekend. I stayed after school on Friday until nearly midnight, and I was in school over twelve hours on Saturday.
Why is this a good thing you ask? BECAUSE IT WAS CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I officially admit here and now that music has taken over my life. But oddly enough, I’m okay with that.
On Friday night, the Souderton Lab Band had our first championships competition, and I personally think that it was our best performance ever. We got one of our best scores ever (somewhere in the low 30’s, which is amazingly enough on the verge of a superior, thank you Dr. Dick) and it just sounded and felt amazing.
Friday also rocked because I got to hang out with some guardies, which is a very fun story that I won’t go into detail about on here for me-staying-out-of-trouble reasons.
But between an awesome performance, going up with Luke for awards (and Luke got a solo award!!!!) and hanging out with friends all night (not to mention some cute guys from other bands) I thought that Friday was the best day of my life.
I was wrong.
Saturday was even better.
Friday + longer amount of time + two of my best friends + even more fun and games = best day of my life.
So yeah, that was awesome. Actually, it wasn’t awesome. There isn’t a word that can describe the awesomeness of Saturday, so I’ll just say awesome, but keep that in mind XD
Yeah, I’ve finally snapped. But whatever, it’s cool.
Anyways, I’ll hopefully post soon, because life should die down a bit after tomorrow. School-wise anyways.
Till then,
-J
Day 2
MLIA of the Day
Recently, my two best friends (who are dating) went to the Winter Formal Dance. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith came on and everyone at the dance was very into their partner, having “moments.” My two best friends however, were singing at the top of their lungs, managing to get glares from everyone in the room. I knew there was a reason I picked them. MLIA
Unrelated Caption of the Day
PS: I’ll hopefully post tomorrow with a real blog post about championships. Not now though; me getting back from youth group equals crazy-not-sane-ness.
-J
Day 1
MLIA of the Day
Today, my mother, who has trouble keeping up with the times, informed me that Youtube and Facebook combined form YouFace. I retaliated with “Youtube, Facebook, and Twitter form YouTwitFace.” Win. MLIA
Unrelated Caption of the Day
Don't Stop Believing Aladin!
I’m Taking You With Me
To start out this unexpected entry (I don’t know if you expected it, but I sure as heck didn’t) I’d like to share my current feelings about life.
Meh. Stress. More meh.
I mean really, I don’t know what my teachers are on, or what the whole school is on. Not literally. That’s a whole different blog post (that a neighbor of mine actually touched on; http://findingsolaceinsilence.blogspot.com/2010/04/jaded.html. I hope he doesn’t mind me linking to his blog. If he does, well, that sucks, cause I just did.)
Anyways, my teachers and school being insane. Apparently the marching band uniform fitting was going to be an in-school thing, which is news to me, but a bunch of other people knew, so I’ll take the blame for that one.
But what I won’t take the blame for is the fact that it’s now an after-school thing, tomorrow. I don’t know, that just kind of feels…..random? According to some band parents, it was going to be in school tomorrow. Some students said it was going to be in school today. I don’t know, but apparently I’m staying after school tomorrow.
All I know is that if it’s not after school tomorrow, I’m gonna be ticked off.
I really feel like ranting today, which is most of why I’m posting (I think). Not sure why I ranted about that though, cause it’s not that big of a deal.
What I really wanted to rant about is how unoften (it’s a word now so shut it) I get to see some of my closest friends. I’d go into detail, but as I had thought about writing it, I felt that it would be waaaaaaaaay too complainy (once again, it’s a word today, so shush).
Anywho, I’m not the most…..stable person right now, thanks to school and drama and championships and more crap I don’t want to get into on my blog. So yeah, if I piss you off by any chance, my apologies.
Not sure when I’ll post again, cause I’m pretty busy this weekend, but until then, stay springy
-J
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
Well, what a wonderful start to this week! Over the past day or so, I thought that allergies were sneaking up on me, because I was kind of congested and was starting to lose my voice. But of course, I couldn’t be right. That would just be a sign of the apocalypse, wouldn’t it?
So no, it wasn’t allergies, because I’m pretty sure that I had a fever yesterday, and today sucked just as much. But at least I didn’t miss much, thanks to PSSA’s (thanks Juniors for taking that bullet, even though I know you have no choice).
But tomorrow I’m back to school. Is that a good thing? Not really. But it does mean that I’m feeling well enough to leave the house, so yay!
But more about today. Besides sleeping, I finished a book, did some homework, and played some video games. Be jealous XD
I actually worked on my writing a bit. Not really writing any scenes or chapters (God forbid I do something productive like that) but some background for one of my story/book ideas.
Which is good, because I’ve been putting that stuff (along with pretty much everything else related to it) off for awhile.
I also tried to work on a character that I have to make for a story I’ll be writing with a friend. And for some reason, I can never get this guy to turn out right. Whatever point I get to, it never seems right. And I’ve realized why nothing ever seems to fit right for this character.
I have no freaking clue what he’s like.
Seriously. I don’t even have the faintest idea of what I want him to be like. I pretty much no that he’s a guy, and based off of the characters that we already have, I know what he can’t be.
Lovely, I know.
But somehow, with my failed attempt at this character, I was inspired to try and organize my writing binders.
Now I know that they’re quite scattered and they’re not organized in any way imaginable (except by time, maybe) but I hadn’t expected it to be a huge deal.
For some reason, it was.
Maybe it’s because I’m still sick, or maybe I’m just overly stressed these days, but for whatever reason, trying to sort through my writing drafts, character charts, other written info, typed info, blank paper, dividers, notebooks and binders gave me a huge headache.
Not a headache actually; it just really pushed my sanity to its limit.
Which is really sad, if you think about it.
But anyways, I have a plan of how to organize the stuff, and once I hit staples either tomorrow or the day after and get some dividers and maybe a binder and a notebook or two, I’ll be okay.
Well, in the writing area anyways.
In other news, school is still a pain, and I’m still earning money for my missions trip this summer. I’m about halfway to how much I need for my personal contribution, and my mom just ran my letters over to the church today. So that’s all a-go!
In other, other news, I really miss marching band. I can’t wait for the next season, and overall, I really just can’t wait for summer. Oh, and on the note of things I miss, my best friend, who I barely get to see and I haven’t seen at youth group for over a month was at youth group last night.
Too bad I was home sick.
Anywho, until next time,
PS: I’m playing around with the skin for this site, because the one I had before is the same one that two of my other friends have, and I felt like I was copying them XD
So yeah, let me know if you like this one, and if I have time I might look at the coding for another one, see what I can do with it. But God knows when I’ll have time XD
-J
Major or Minor 